December 17, 2007

Storytime: Humongous Bird Shit

Another college story. Thanks to KR for reminding me. This story is best told when both KR and I are present because we help each others fill in the gaps in these stories. I'll do my best here in the blog, however.

This took place during the summer I stayed with KR and three other women in the tiny two-bedroom townhouse on the campus. Five women total living in a dump. Fun times.

KR and I were headed out one late morning to, I think, get taco bell for lunch -- we were dirt broke, and they had cheap eats. We walked from our townhouse toward the parking lot, chatting along, when I spotted something weird on my car. At the time, I had an old, ugly Audi that I loved, and it was normally a pretty shade of faded gray-blue.

Here's a crude drawing to illustrate it.

I ran to my car, and much to my horror, there was white stuff on the poor car. WTF? A whiff determined that it was indeed bird shit. I don't think it's easy to explain in text (or verbally) without somehow illustrating just how big this shit was. In person, this is accompanied by a fishing-story style gesture..."It was this big!" So, I'll help you.

Here's a crude drawing to illustrate it.

Some mysterious bird indeed shit on my car...and it was so enormous that it splattered all over the hood and the windshield. KR normally chimes in here; she usually says something like, "My jeep just happened to be parked next to her car that day. I ran to it to see if the bird shit splattered onto it!" accompanied by hysterical giggles. At first, we thought maybe a horde of birds had targeted the cars in the area, but all the nearby cars were fine, including KR's.

I was so pissed that my first instinct was to wash the shit off the car. Which I did. It had pretty much dried up, but the splatter suggested...that the bird had runs? I don't know.

I wish I hadn't been so impulsive to wash the car off, and took a picture first. Years later, KR and I still speculate on the source of this mysterious, humongous shit. Was it a really big bird? Did the said bird have runs? What kind of bird could create this much shit in one go??

I don't think Nancy Drew would want to solve this one.

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