Storytime: Humongous Bird Shit

Another college story. Thanks to KR for reminding me. This story is best told when both KR and I are present because we help each others fill in the gaps in these stories. I'll do my best here in the blog, however.

This took place during the summer I stayed with KR and three other women in the tiny two-bedroom townhouse on the campus. Five women total living in a dump. Fun times.

KR and I were headed out one late morning to, I think, get taco bell for lunch -- we were dirt broke, and they had cheap eats. We walked from our townhouse toward the parking lot, chatting along, when I spotted something weird on my car. At the time, I had an old, ugly Audi that I loved, and it was normally a pretty shade of faded gray-blue.

Here's a crude drawing to illustrate it.

I ran to my car, and much to my horror, there was white stuff on the poor car. WTF? A whiff determined that it was indeed bird shit. I don't think it's easy to explain in text (or verbally) without somehow illustrating just how big this shit was. In person, this is accompanied by a fishing-story style gesture..."It was this big!" So, I'll help you.

Here's a crude drawing to illustrate it.

Some mysterious bird indeed shit on my car...and it was so enormous that it splattered all over the hood and the windshield. KR normally chimes in here; she usually says something like, "My jeep just happened to be parked next to her car that day. I ran to it to see if the bird shit splattered onto it!" accompanied by hysterical giggles. At first, we thought maybe a horde of birds had targeted the cars in the area, but all the nearby cars were fine, including KR's.

I was so pissed that my first instinct was to wash the shit off the car. Which I did. It had pretty much dried up, but the splatter suggested...that the bird had runs? I don't know.

I wish I hadn't been so impulsive to wash the car off, and took a picture first. Years later, KR and I still speculate on the source of this mysterious, humongous shit. Was it a really big bird? Did the said bird have runs? What kind of bird could create this much shit in one go??

I don't think Nancy Drew would want to solve this one.

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Storytime

I always start reminiscing around Christmas. I'm sure I'm not the only one. But I can't remember any funny stories from when my sibs and I were younger right now. I need my siblings' help with that.

I do have a few college stories that I love to tell. A good chunk of my friends have heard these, probably because KR was there for some of them and she always prods me into telling the stories.

One of our favorites: The Jehovah Witness Story.

My sophomore year, I decided to stay up at my college and take a couple classes to try catch up with my major -- I had changed majors in middle of my freshman year, and wanted to graduate with my class. I decided to stay with a few five girls that I knew through my sorority, one of whom I had known for a long time. They had a two bedroom townhouse which was, frankly, a dump. Three girls (KR and two others) shared the bedrooms, while the remaining two - including myself - slept in the living room on the couches. As you can imagine, that was awkward at times. But I counted myself lucky...the townhouse had no air conditioning and the upstairs was always boiling hot.

Throughout the summer, we heard about a group of Jehovah Witnesses who knew sign and were wandering around the apartment complex, looking for people. They never knocked on our door until one Saturday morning in August.

It was pretty hot that day, and I was trying to sleep in. KR was hanging out on the other couch, watching TV. I remember she woke me, and said/signed, "Jenny! The Jehovah Witnesses want to talk to you!"

Still half asleep, "What?"

"They came an hour ago, and I told them you were sleeping and to come back later."

"Huh? Why didn't you just tell them to go away?"

I'm a little fuzzy on our conversation but I think she said she was nervous and didn't want to upset them.

"Uh, okay..."

Sure enough, about 10 or 15 minutes later, they started knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell. We sat there in the dark, hoping they'd take the hint and go away...But the walls were thin and they probably heard our giggles.

Finally, after about 10 minutes - yes, ten, we watched the clock, I had enough. I got up, went into the bathroom with my blanket, took my top off and wrapped the blanket around me to make it look like I was naked. Teehee. Remember, I had just woken up and my hair was a mess.

I marched to the door, swung it open and glared at the three women standing outside. "What!?"

Their eyes practically popped out and they all gaped at me.

"We wanted to talk to you about..." one of them managed to say in sign.

I interrupted and snapped, both in sign and verbally, "I'm busy!"

One of them retorted, "I can see that."

"Well, don't come back!" And I slammed the door. KR was laughing hysterically.

And that was the last time we ever saw these women. Very effective!

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